fast food – Tasty Burgers

Smashburger

Published on January 2, 2017 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 6301 Silver Dart Drive, Mississauga (Toronto Pearson International Airport)
Website: http://smashburger.com/

Though I’m assuming they’re going to expand a bit more at some point, right now if you’re in Ontario and you want to try Smashburger, you’re going to have to fly internationally out of Pearson. I actually was flying internationally recently, so I was pretty excited to try this (supposedly) higher end American fast food chain.

They’ve got the standard selection of hamburgers, chicken burgers, and salads that you’ll find at any of the big chains. I got the Classic Smash, which is a single-patty cheeseburger that comes with American cheese, Smash Sauce, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onion.

It’s… fine, I guess? I was expecting something more along the lines of places like Five Guys or In-N-Out, but this definitely isn’t that. It’s closer in quality to Wendy’s or A&W. Not bad in a pinch, but definitely not something I’d get excited about or go out of my way for.

The patty — with its dry, pebbly texture and lack of anything you’d recognize as a beefy flavour — is fast food through and through. As per the name of the joint, it’s smashed, with a bit of colour and texture from the griddle. This seems more cosmetic than anything else, as it doesn’t particularly add anything in the flavour department.

The slightly sweet bun is fine, as are the toppings (including the Smash Sauce, which is the typical tangy mayo that you’d expect). The whole thing is fine — it’s a bit of a shrug, but I certainly didn’t dislike eating it.

As for the fries, I tried the Smash Fries, which are tossed with olive oil, garlic, and rosemary. They were thinly-cut and tasty, but man were they oily. They were doused in olive oil; they were dripping with the stuff. I poured them out next to my burger, and they left a huge pool of oil in their wake. It was pretty ridiculous.

2.5 out of 4

The Battered Fish

Published on August 16, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 224 Queen Street West, Toronto
Website: http://thebatteredfish.ca/

Like with my last review, of the burger at Cineplex, this was probably my own fault. I mean, who gets a burger at a fish and chips place? But the signage outside of the restaurant advertises BURGERS in big, bolt font, and a poster on the inside boasts that their “gourmet burgers” are made with brisket, so I figured it was something more than just an afterthought to fill out the menu.

The place is laid out fast food style; the menu’s up on the wall, and you bring the food back to your table on a tray. I ordered the burger as a combo with fries and a drink, and had it topped with pickles, tomato, and mayo (they threw in lettuce, too, for some reason).

It could have been worse, I guess? All things considered, I guess I should be glad it wasn’t outright terrible. Again: quite possibly my fault. Go to a fish and chips joint and order a hamburger, and you’re going to get what you’re going to get.

In this case, what I got was a griddled burger with a vague amount of crust from the griddle, but not as much as you’d like. The main thing is that it was dry. The patty was finely ground, tightly packed, and cooked all the way to well done (and beyond), with a dense, tough chew, like a well done steak.

But it had none of the flavour of a good steak, of course. The beef was actually pretty bland. It didn’t taste off, at least, but then it didn’t taste of much at all — off or otherwise.

The fresh, toasted bun was quite good, and the toppings were mostly fine — though the pickles were actually sugary-sweet cornichons that were way too cloying as a topping on a hamburger.

This being a fish and chips place, I figured that at least the fries would be a highlight. And they weren’t bad, mostly, but they had an oddly dense, almost chewy texture that I’m really not sure how to account for. They weren’t undercooked, and I don’t think they were overcooked — at least they didn’t taste like any overcooked fries I’ve had before. But that oddly gummy texture was a bit of a turn off, even if they otherwise tasted okay.

2 out of 4

Outtakes Backstage Bistro

Published on August 2, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 3555 Highway 7 West, Woodbridge
Website: https://www.cineplex.com/Microsite/OutTakes

What do you do if you’re planning on eating a burger before seeing a movie, and the burger joint turns out to be closed? And the backup place, too? If you’re a rational person, you’d say to yourself “Well, I guess I’m not eating a burger today,” and then move on with your life. If you’re me? You eat a movie theatre burger. Because how could that possibly go wrong?

Let’s be honest: I probably shouldn’t be reviewing this. No one in their right mind would order a hamburger at the movies, and even if they did, they’d do it with the full knowledge that they’re going to get something pretty lousy. If you order anything other than popcorn, nachos, or candy at the movies, you are fully complicit in the food crimes that follow.

They have a few different burgers on the menu; I went with the simplest one they had, which is a plain cheeseburger topped with ketchup, mayo, mustard, lettuce, and tomato. That’s a bit heavier on the condiments than I typically like, but in this case I figured the burger would need all the help it could get.

It’s a frozen patty, because of course it’s a frozen patty. This is one case where I can’t even get mad at a place for taking a taste-compromising shortcut like that. I mean, is anyone really expecting the pimply-faced teens at the theatre to grind and cook fresh beef? The fact that they even sell stuff like burgers and chicken sandwiches at a movie theatre is kind of crazy; of course it all comes from a freezer.

Though I’m pretty sure the burger actually started its life as an above average frozen patty, it was held for who-knows-how-long in one of those stupid warming drawers that have pretty much ruined fast food, and was thus completely devoid of anything even resembling moisture. It was sucked dry, with a salty, off flavour that didn’t even taste vaguely of beef.

The cheese — which was cold and unmelted — actually tasted like real cheddar, with a surprisingly sharp cheesy flavour that helped distract from the generic frozen patty taste. The lettuce and tomatoes were fine, and the various condiments tried their best to disguise the burger’s flavour.

The bun was the best element here by far. It was soft and fresh, with a slightly sweet flavour and just enough substance to hold up to the burger nicely.

I’m sorry to break this to you, bun: you did great, but you died in vain.

This would normally be the part of the review where I’d talk about the fries. I decided to spare myself. I mean, how much awful food are you expecting me to eat for your amusement? I think the burger is probably enough.

1 out of 4

John Anderson’s Charcoal Broil Hamburgers

Published on June 21, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 1069 Dundas Street West, Mississauga
Website: None

Mediocre frozen burger, mediocre frozen fries, THE END.

Seriously, I think I’ve written enough of these at this point that I really don’t need to go much further than that. I could just point you in the direction of any number of reviews I’ve written of places that serve mediocre, industrially-produced frozen burgers just like this one.

I wouldn’t be surprised if all the old-school burger joints serving crappy frozen burgers get them from the same supplier, so can’t I just cut-and-paste the same review every time? Why should I go to the trouble of writing a review from scratch when they can’t be bothered to make a burger from scratch (which is, I should add, probably the easiest thing you can make, so WTF)?

The sad thing is, I discovered this place through random “best burger in Mississauga” searches; clearly, the burger boom that’s hit Toronto in the last few years has left Mississauga almost entirely untouched.

John Anderson has a regular burger and a “Big Puck” burger on the menu. I was told that they’re both exactly the same aside from the size, so I went with the regular, and had it topped with pickles, tomato, and mayo.

I’m not particularly going to get into it, because why should I, but it was a frozen burger and it tasted like so many other frozen burgers: it had the same overly-processed hot dog texture, and the same disturbing lack of any kind of beefy flavour.

The bun was fine and the toppings were fine — though again, like with so many other old-school burger joints, the mayo is actually Miracle Whip, which I’ve just come to expect at this point.

As for the aforementioned frozen fries, they were well-prepared and slightly better than average, but they were still pretty lifeless compared to the real deal.

1.5 out of 4

The Burger Shack

Published on February 15, 2015February 15, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

shack
Location: 233 Eglinton Avenue West, Toronto
Website: None

I mentioned recently, in my review of Dangerous Dan’s, that most old-school burger joints in Toronto are kind of lousy. They all pretty much look the same, and they all serve similarly mediocre meatloaf burgers (or even worse, a frozen burger). They’re a nice reminder of how good we have it now, and how difficult it used to be to find a decent hamburger in this city, but that’s about it.

That’s The Burger Shack, in a nutshell. It’s not much better or much worse than any other old-school burger joint in the GTA. It is what it is.

Like a lot of restaurants of its ilk, it has two different burgers on the menu: a really cheap one, usually frozen, and a slightly less cheap one that they make in-house. I went with the latter, and had it topped with tomato, pickles, and mayo.

This being an old school burger joint, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that the burgers here are grilled. Grilling can add an appealing smokiness to a burger; it can also, if overdone, add a bitter, burnt flavour. Sadly, that was the case here. And though the well done patty was a little bit juicy, it was also ridiculously tightly-packed and tough.

It was also, of course, a meatloaf burger; it was seriously meatloafy, with almost zero beefy flavour and a vaguely sausage-like consistency.

The bun was fine, and the toppings were mostly fine, though like with a lot of old school burger joints, the “mayo” was actually Miracle Whip (or some cheap, Miracle-Whip-like substitute). I don’t know why so many of these places think it’s okay to substitute Miracle Whip for mayo without telling their customers. Sure, they look the same, but they taste completely different.

So the burger was mediocre (at best), but I’ll end this review on a positive note. The fries, though unsalted (salt was provided on the tables), were otherwise amazing. Like, seriously, addictively amazing. Strong contender for the best fries I’ve ever had amazing. AMAZING. They had a great potatoey flavour, and were the perfect combo of crispiness and creaminess. Seriously: I want to come back here and just eat a large order of those fries. So good.

2 out of 4