sports bar – Tasty Burgers

Hidden Burger

Published on September 25, 2016 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 22 Front Street West, Toronto
Website: http://www.hiddenburger.ca/

If nothing else, Hidden Burger certainly lives up to its name. Tucked away in the Bottom Line, a sports bar near Union Station, there’s absolutely no signage for the place outside, and even when you get into the bar, it’s not immediately apparent that you’re in the right place. It’s only when you walk through the place and go around a corner that you finally see it.

It strikes me as a thoroughly odd strategy to literally hide your restaurant and make random walk-ins completely impossible, but then what do I know about such things? It’s either a genius marketing move or completely insane.

It’s mostly a take-out place, with only a few stools to sit across from the register. They’ve got an admirably simple menu, with a cheeseburger (single or double), a veggie burger, and a weekly special, along with the requisite French fries. I went with the cheeseburger, which comes topped with lettuce, tomato, pickles, and red onion.

It’s a griddled burger, which ideally gets you a tasty, dark brown crust on the patty. Often, the griddle isn’t quite hot enough and the crust isn’t particularly there. But I actually had the opposite problem here, which I can’t say I’ve ever encountered in a burger cooked in this style. The crust was coal black; it was burnt and it tasted burnt, with an acridly bitter flavour pervading every bite. That griddle must have been insanely hot.

The patty was, not surprisingly, quite overdone, with a completely gray interior that was cooked all the way to the peak of well done. It was actually still vaguely juicy, which was nice, but suffice it to say, it needed way less time on the griddle (and it was black on both sides, which makes me think it may have been intentional, as baffling as that seems).

The patty was also a bit too tightly packed and dense, but aside from that the texture was okay.

The flavour was decent enough (aside from the bitterness, of course). There was some mild beefiness, which is always nice.

As for the toppings, they suited the burger well, though the slice of American cheese wasn’t all the way melted, which is kind of crazy given how hot the cooking surface must have been. And the soft, squishy bun suited the burger perfectly.

The fries were the resounding highlight. They were great — super crispy on the outside and creamy on the inside. They were particularly good with the optional jalapeno aioli, which costs 50 cents and is worth every penny.

2.5 out of 4

Stein Burger and Koop

Published on December 7, 2014 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 1285 Elgin Mills Road East, Richmond Hill
Website: http://www.steinburgerandkoop.com/

This was actually my second time going to Stein Burger and Koop. It wasn’t my second time eating there, but it was my second time at the restaurant. A couple of friends and I visited a few months ago; we were seated and handed menus, and then promptly ignored for the next half hour. None of us were in a particularly confrontational mood, so we eventually just left, sad and burgerless. The amazingly bad service (or non-existent, more accurately) would have been impressive if it weren’t so frustrating.

I guess everyone deserves a second chance, so I recently found myself back at the restaurant; the service was much better this time (well, there was service, which by default means it was better).

Stein Burger and Koop is essentially a sports bar, with mostly burgers and wings on the menu, and the usual generic selection of sandwiches and wraps to round things out. I went with the Steinburger, which is no-frills with just lettuce, tomato, onion, and their “signature sauce.”

It’s a smashed and griddled burger, because apparently that’s the law. Didn’t you hear? They passed that law. All burgers have to be smashed now.

It’s fine. There’s not much crust from the griddle, and the well-done burger was quite dry, but it was okay. Nothing about it offended me. There wasn’t much beefy flavour (or any flavour at all, really), but again, it was perfectly edible.

The toppings, too, were fine. The onions were too strong for my taste (but then I find most raw onions too strong, so that’s on me) and the “signature sauce” basically tasted like plain mayo, but it all got the job done.

The soft, fresh bun was mostly okay, though it wasn’t quite up to the task at hand; even with the fairly dry patty, the bottom bun sogged up and was close to falling apart in the last few bites.

But whatever. There are certainly worse burgers in the GTA. You can eat here, I guess. When you do, you’ll think to yourself “Yes, that was a burger I just ate.” Then you’ll stand up, walk out the door, and never think about it again. It will be consigned to the trash-dump of your memory, where all the hundreds of anonymous, unmemorable meals that you’ll eat throughout your lifetime will go to be forgotten about forever.

Maybe a few months later someone will ask you about it. “You ate there, right?” they’ll ask, looking to you for some form of guidance. “How was it?” You’ll rack your brain, straining to remember if you’ve ever even been there, let alone how the burger was. This will be for naught. It’s gone. Nothing about that visit has remained.

On your deathbed, in that brief moment after your heart stops beating and your brain shuts down, a synapse — unused for decades — will suddenly fire. You will remember that meal, that mediocre burger. “Oh yeah, I guess I did eat there” you’ll think, and then darkness.

2.5 out of 4

Tilted Kilt

Published on February 9, 2014February 18, 2014 by Michael Nusair1 Comment

Location: 157 York Blvd, Richmond Hill
Website: http://www.tiltedkilt.com/

The Tilted Kilt is basically a Hooters knockoff — it’s got lots of TVs playing whatever sporting event happens to be on at the moment, and of course, lots of busty, very cleavage-y waitresses for the clientele to gawk at.

I don’t know if it’s even fair for me to shine too bright of a light on the food, because let’s face it — food isn’t high on the list of reasons that people come here. And while the discussion of whether a place like this is completely misogynistic or just harmless fun is certainly a conversation worth having, this is a burger blog, so… let’s forget about that and talk about the burger.

They have a handful of hamburgers on the menu, but the BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger is the only one labeled as a signature item, so that’s what I got. It’s topped with “Applewood smoked bacon, cheddar cheese, crispy shoestring onions and Guinness BBQ sauce.”

The patty is promisingly described on the menu as being made from their “choice butcher’s blend” and “always fresh,” so I had hopes that it would perhaps be a bit better than your standard chain fare. These hopes were quickly dashed, but it was a nice thought.

The burger was grilled (though perhaps incinerated is a better word) and was cooked about as far past well done as a burger can get and still be served in good conscience.

It didn’t have that telltale rubbery texture that you tend to get from frozen patties, but it certainly tasted prefabricated.

And it was dry. Oh dear lord was it ever dry. It may have been the driest burger I’ve ever had; if not, it was certainly a strong contender. It was very tightly packed and super dense, which certainly didn’t help matters.

It had surprisingly little taste. There was a slight off beef flavour, and some acrid bitterness from the charred exterior, but mostly it just tasted like a big unpleasant hunk of tough, chewy nothing. Towards the end I was actually dreading each mouth-drying bite, but I soldiered on and I finished it. Partially because I was reviewing it, but mostly because I’m a glutton who will eat pretty much anything you put on a plate in front of me.

The burger also — oddly enough — had a funky, vaguely fishy aroma that made it all the more off-putting. That was a first.

This was labeled as a BBQ burger, and while I typically find BBQ sauce to be a little bit too overwhelming as a topping on a burger, they either applied it so sparingly that I couldn’t taste it, or they forgot it altogether.

There were also supposed to be crispy shoestring onions on there, but like the BBQ sauce they seemed to be missing in action. Normally I appreciate a sparsely-topped hamburger, but in this case the patty was so dry and horrible that these condiments were sorely missed.

The bacon and cheddar were both definitely present, and they were both fine, though they couldn’t do much to make this hamburger even remotely worth eating.

The bun was the sole bright point. Buttery, slightly sweet, and just dense enough to hold up to the burger without ever becoming overwhelming, it absolutely deserved to be a part of a better hamburger.

As for the fries, they were about on par with the burger — they were bland, cardboardy, and required gobs of ketchup to be even remotely edible.