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Royale’s Luncheonette

Published on May 22, 2016May 22, 2016 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 1418 Dundas Street West, Toronto
Website: http://www.royalesluncheonette.com/

I like surprises. Actually no; scratch that. I like pleasant surprises.

This was supposed to be a review of the burger at The Federal, but they were absolutely slammed, with a half hour wait. So we walked a few shops over and found ourselves at Royale’s Luncheonette, with absolutely no idea what to expect. I’m definitely looking forward to checking out the burger at the Federal, but man am I glad they were so busy on this particular day. Because spoiler alert: Royale’s was a very pleasant surprise.

It’s a tiny little place with just a couple of tables. The menu is posted on the wall, and you order at the counter. The burger is dubbed the Royale with Cheese. Given the name and rating system on this blog, I think you can guess that I approve of the reference.

It’s a fast-food-style burger done right: griddled patty, melty American cheese, shredded lettuce, pickle and tomato. It’s topped with a sauce that, if you’ve ever had a Big Mac, is going to taste very familiar.

I honestly wasn’t expecting all that much from this place, but I was surprised by how good it was. The patty had a good amount of crust from the griddle, and when cooked to a pleasing medium, retained an impressive amount of juiciness. It also had a nice, beefy flavour that easily cut through the zesty sauce. Beefy flavour? Juicy patty? Not overcooked? Why, I believe it’s time to do the dance of joy!

It wasn’t completely perfect, however. It was way too small for the bun — the circumference of the patty was probably about two thirds of the circumference of the bread, leaving you with a lot of bun overhang. That was a shame, as was the grind of the beef, which was ever-so-slightly too fine. But those are minor complaints for what is otherwise a superb burger.

The lightly toasted Wonderbread bun (I could see the bag in the tiny open kitchen) suited the very unpretentious burger quite well, as did the classic burger toppings — though I wish there had been slightly less of the Big Mac-esque sauce.

No fries on the menu, sadly (I doubt that the ridiculously tiny kitchen could even accommodate a fryer), but when the burger is this good, it speaks for itself.

3.5 out of 4

Hangry Burger

Published on April 24, 2016 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 435 Yonge Street, Toronto
Website: http://hangryburger.com/

If you’ve ever wondered what the hamburger equivalent of a shrug is, look no further. Hangry Burger now exists to answer that question.

That’s the thing: it’s not a bad burger. There’s nothing offensive about it, and I didn’t dislike eating it. But it’s not particularly good. It’s just… it’s fine (you can’t see me right now, but I’m shrugging pretty hard).

This is going to be a pretty short review, because I honestly don’t have all that much to say about it. It’s hard to muster up all that much enthusiasm to write about a burger that’s so thoroughly middle-of-the-road.

I ordered the Hangry Burger, which is their no-frills choice, and had it topped with Hangry sauce, pickles, and tomato.

The patty had some colour from the griddle, though it was cooked all the way to well done and a bit dry. It was also too finely ground, giving it a mealier texture than I’d like — but I’ve certainly had worse. As for the flavour of the beef? Remember all that shrugging I was doing earlier? Yeah, I’m still doing it.

The toppings were fine, though if the Hangry sauce was anything other than plain mayo, I couldn’t taste it.

The bun, too, was fine, though it was clearly too big and dense for the simple single-patty option — the bun-to-patty ratio was way off. The fact that it was cold and untoasted probably didn’t help.

As for the fries, they looked good, but they were a bit overcooked. They were vaguely bitter, with a borderline burnt flavour.

2.5 out of 4

Nader’s Middle Eastern Grill & Bakery

Published on November 22, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 3900 Grand Park Drive, Mississauga
Website: http://www.naders.co/

Have you ever been bored, browsing Instagram, seen a photo of a burger that looked good from a restaurant you wouldn’t expect, then thought “hey, I should review that for my burger blog!”

No? That phenomenon is weirdly specific to me? Well then.

Let’s face it, a burger isn’t exactly the first thing you’d typically order at a Middle Eastern joint like Nader’s. Or the second. Or the third. Or even the tenth. It’s weird that it’s even on their menu, but hey – it’s there and I’ve got this burger blog, so let’s do this.

I visited around lunchtime on a Thursday, and despite the fact that the impressively enormous restaurant was about 90% empty, the people behind the counter seemed frazzled. My burger took about twenty minutes, and I overheard another customer complaining that he had been waiting for his shawarma plate for over half an hour.

There were other issues. The guy behind the counter asked what I wanted on my burger; after telling him mayo, pickles, and tomato, he immediately started putting ketchup on the burger. I clarified what I wanted. He apologized, then reached for the lettuce.

Yeah, the service wasn’t great.

This is the part of the review where I wish I could say “but it was all worth it once I tasted that burger. I definitely didn’t waste my time eating the latest in a long line of depressingly mediocre hamburgers!”

You have no idea how much I wish I could say that.

I ordered the single patty option, and it came glistening, with an impressive amount of crust from the griddle. I often complain about burgers that are weakly browned, with little to no crust. I have the opposite complaint here; the exterior of the patty was borderline burnt. It had a dark, crunchy exterior that makes you realize that yes, it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

I think they mostly use the griddle to crisp up already-cooked shawarma, which necessitates a surface that’s far hotter than you need to cook a burger.

Though the beef actually has a pretty nice flavour, it’s finely ground, tightly packed, and lean. Which means it was crazy dry and unpleasantly tough, despite being cooked to medium with a bit of pink remaining.

The toppings were fine, though the bun, despite being toasted on the griddle, was stale and dry.

As for the fries, they were pale and underwhelming, both in appearance and flavour. They were about on par with the burger.

1.5 out of 4

Broncos Slider Bar

Published on November 8, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 127 Strachan Avenue, Toronto
Website: http://www.broncosrestaurant.com/

Broncos Slider Bar – a spinoff of Branca, a tapas joint – is the latest restaurant in the city to specialize in so-called sliders.

No, they’re not sliders in the original sense of the term, but I’ve come to accept two things about this:

1) The definition of the word “slider” has now lost all connection to what it used to mean. It went from referring to a very specific style of hamburger, to a small burger of any style, and now to any small sandwich that’s served on a bun. And the way things are going, it will soon refer to any food that happens to be bite-sized. The English language is constantly evolving; no point in trying to fight it.

2) The specific style of burger that originally birthed the word “slider” will never be served in Toronto – or at least, not until I finally make good on my idle chatter and open my own burger joint.

Both points make me sad (particularly number two), but it is what it is.

Anyway, word-nitpickery and burger-style-snobbery aside, Broncos actually serves a pretty good hamburger.

It’s a classic, fast-food-style cheeseburger – griddle-cooked, and topped with melty American cheese.

The patty has a good texture, a decent amount of juiciness, and a satisfying beefy flavour. Combined with the nice brown crust from the griddle and the gooey cheese, it’s clear that someone in the kitchen knows their way around hamburger cookery.

I would, however, ask for it without mustard next time, or at least ask for less mustard, because the amount applied here just detracted from that great patty.

The other toppings are solid – the pickles did their usual hamburger-improving thing, and even the onions were pretty good. I’m normally not crazy about raw onions on a burger (or anywhere, for that matter), but these weren’t too strong, offering some mild oniony flavour and a little bit of crunch, without overpowering.

Sadly, the bun was an absolute disaster. It’s way, way, way too big and dense for the task at hand. It works well on their other sandwiches, which tend to be messier and crammed to the gills with stuff, thus necessitating a bun with more heft. On the burger, however, the substantial bun throws the beef-to-bun ratio so far off that it’s almost ruinous. Seriously: it comes alarmingly close to flat-out ruining the hamburger. It completely overwhelms the beef. It’s a damn shame, because with a better bun this would be a great burger, and now it’s merely good.

The fries, on the other hand, were great. They look kind of pale but they taste amazing – crispy, creamy, perfect.

3 out of 4

Hole-E Burger Bar

Published on June 7, 2015 by Michael NusairLeave a comment

Location: 2419 Yonge Street, Toronto
Website: http://www.holeeburger.com/

Hole-E Burger Bar’s gimmick is that all their burgers are punched with holes pre-cooking. Why? To justify the name? Their website claims that the holes allow the burgers to be “evenly cooked to perfection,” though common sense would dictate that the opposite should be true. They also claim that they fill the holes with sauce; whether a burger really needs more places to cram sauce is questionable, but that’s probably a debate for another time. Because in this particular case, the whole thing is moot (get it? Whole thing?? Ah, get out of here, no one appreciates puns).

There were no holes in my burger. Like, not one single hole. So… that’s odd (or not odd at all, since a burger really shouldn’t have holes in it to begin with). There were a few dimples where maybe some holes had once been, but it otherwise looked like a standard patty.

So without any oddball hole gimmicks to fall back on, how was the burger? Not great.

I ordered the standard, plain burger, and had it topped with pickles, tomato, and mayo. The well done patty is griddled, with a decent — if not exactly awe-inspiring — amount of crust. It was also reasonably juicy, which is always a good thing.

But there were problems, the foremost being the downright weird texture.

You know when you eat a steak, and you accidentally get a mouthful of gristle, and you really have to chew it thoroughly before you can swallow? To a certain extent, that’s what every mouthful of this burger felt like. You’d chew and you’d chew, and you’d think you were done, but then nope — there was this tough, oddly ropey beef still hanging out in your mouth, refusing to get fully chewed.

It was bizarre, to put it mildly, and I really don’t even have a theory as to how it could have happened. It was definitely too finely ground, but that alone can’t account for the textural weirdness going on here. And my dining companion had the exact same issue, so this wasn’t just a one-patty issue.

The beef mostly tasted okay, but had a slightly off flavour. It was also way over-peppered, but both of those complaints fade into the background when the texture of the burger is so wonky.

The bun and toppings were okay, at least, and the fries were pretty great. The restaurant is also right next door to some really delicious cupcakes via the Cupcake Shoppe, so the outing wasn’t a complete bust.

2 out of 4