Reviews – Page 31 – Tasty Burgers

The Rude Boy

Published on February 23, 2014March 9, 2014 by Michael Nusair3 Comments

Location: 397 Roncesvalles Avenue, Toronto
Website: http://therudeboy.ca/

I’ve actually been wanting to check out The Rude Boy for a while. I tried to go there one afternoon when they first opened, but at that point they weren’t serving lunch, so I went home sad and burgerless. I tried again a couple of weeks later, this time in the evening, and they were all out of hamburgers. Again, I went home sad and burgerless. Striking out twice dampened my enthusiasm somewhat; it was dampened even further when I tried a sampling of their cookery at last year’s Burger Day and found it dry and mediocre. But I still knew that I needed to check it out at some point, so here we are.

It’s a sit-down restaurant, and though it’s fairly small, they’ve managed to cram a fair amount of tables in there. It’s a little cozy (if you’re tall, you’ll probably be bumping knees with the person you’re sitting with), but it’s fine.

They have the requisite assortment of creatively-topped burgers on the menu; I normally like to get a restaurant’s namesake burger, but in this case the Rude Boy was topped with peameal bacon, regular bacon, and a fried egg, among other toppings. I like to be able to judge the burger itself, so I went with the much more simply topped The Natural: “lettuce, onion, pickle, tomato, ballpark mustard, smoked jalapeno ketchup.” My burger also came with cheddar, though I think that was a mistake since it isn’t mentioned on the menu.

I had hoped that the dry burger I was served at Burger Day was merely the result of them being overwhelmed from having to cook so many burgers at once; sadly, this isn’t the case. The Rude Boy is yet another Toronto burger joint that serves a lamentably dry burger. Honestly, this used to get me worked up to no end, but I think I’m starting to become numb to it. Another dry burger? Of course! Of course it’s dry. Why should a burger be juicy? Who wants that, right??

Okay, maybe I’m not as numb to it as I’d like to be. It still bothers me. It makes no sense. It’s not that difficult to make a juicy hamburger. Just put more than two seconds of thought into the cuts of beef you use to make your hamburger. That’s it. You can’t just grind up any random cut of beef and call it a burger. Well, you can, but if you have any kind of desire to make a burger worth eating, a little bit more than that is required. If the beef you’re using is too lean, you’re going to end up with a dry hamburger.

I really wish I didn’t have to mention this in every other review that I write.

Aside from the dryness, it’s not bad. The well done patty was griddle-cooked and had a satisfying crust. The salt-and-peppering of the patty was a bit overly aggressive, but other than that it had a decent flavour. Nothing particularly beefy, but fairly tasty regardless.

The condiments all complimented the burger pretty well. I was worried that the ketchup and the mustard would overwhelm the patty, but they were applied sparingly enough that they weren’t particularly noticeable. As for the bonus cheese, it was fully melted and suited the burger well.

The bun was a highlight. Super fresh, with a perfect balance between heft and tenderness, it was one of the better buns I’ve had in a while. The patty, however, was a bit undersized for the bun.

The burger comes only with a small handful of chips on the side, so I ordered the Parm Fries as well. I think the “Parm” in the name might be a bit of an overstatement — the fries are topped with a sprinkling of shredded Parmesan that’s so half-hearted it may as well not even be there. Still, they were decent fries. A big soggy, but otherwise above average.

Tilted Kilt

Published on February 9, 2014February 18, 2014 by Michael Nusair1 Comment

Location: 157 York Blvd, Richmond Hill
Website: http://www.tiltedkilt.com/

The Tilted Kilt is basically a Hooters knockoff — it’s got lots of TVs playing whatever sporting event happens to be on at the moment, and of course, lots of busty, very cleavage-y waitresses for the clientele to gawk at.

I don’t know if it’s even fair for me to shine too bright of a light on the food, because let’s face it — food isn’t high on the list of reasons that people come here. And while the discussion of whether a place like this is completely misogynistic or just harmless fun is certainly a conversation worth having, this is a burger blog, so… let’s forget about that and talk about the burger.

They have a handful of hamburgers on the menu, but the BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger is the only one labeled as a signature item, so that’s what I got. It’s topped with “Applewood smoked bacon, cheddar cheese, crispy shoestring onions and Guinness BBQ sauce.”

The patty is promisingly described on the menu as being made from their “choice butcher’s blend” and “always fresh,” so I had hopes that it would perhaps be a bit better than your standard chain fare. These hopes were quickly dashed, but it was a nice thought.

The burger was grilled (though perhaps incinerated is a better word) and was cooked about as far past well done as a burger can get and still be served in good conscience.

It didn’t have that telltale rubbery texture that you tend to get from frozen patties, but it certainly tasted prefabricated.

And it was dry. Oh dear lord was it ever dry. It may have been the driest burger I’ve ever had; if not, it was certainly a strong contender. It was very tightly packed and super dense, which certainly didn’t help matters.

It had surprisingly little taste. There was a slight off beef flavour, and some acrid bitterness from the charred exterior, but mostly it just tasted like a big unpleasant hunk of tough, chewy nothing. Towards the end I was actually dreading each mouth-drying bite, but I soldiered on and I finished it. Partially because I was reviewing it, but mostly because I’m a glutton who will eat pretty much anything you put on a plate in front of me.

The burger also — oddly enough — had a funky, vaguely fishy aroma that made it all the more off-putting. That was a first.

This was labeled as a BBQ burger, and while I typically find BBQ sauce to be a little bit too overwhelming as a topping on a burger, they either applied it so sparingly that I couldn’t taste it, or they forgot it altogether.

There were also supposed to be crispy shoestring onions on there, but like the BBQ sauce they seemed to be missing in action. Normally I appreciate a sparsely-topped hamburger, but in this case the patty was so dry and horrible that these condiments were sorely missed.

The bacon and cheddar were both definitely present, and they were both fine, though they couldn’t do much to make this hamburger even remotely worth eating.

The bun was the sole bright point. Buttery, slightly sweet, and just dense enough to hold up to the burger without ever becoming overwhelming, it absolutely deserved to be a part of a better hamburger.

As for the fries, they were about on par with the burger — they were bland, cardboardy, and required gobs of ketchup to be even remotely edible.

Toma Burger Addiction

Published on January 26, 2014January 26, 2014 by Michael Nusair4 Comments

Location: 712 Queen Street West, Toronto
Website: http://toma-burgeraddiction.com/

I am confounded. Toma Burger Addiction confounds me. This is a burger place that, somehow, gets almost every single element of their hamburger completely wrong. Even if you were trying to make the ultimate mediocre hamburger, I don’t think you could succeed quite as brilliantly as Toma Burger Addiction has.

I will say that the design of the restaurant is quite nice. Bright, spacious, and handsomely designed, it’s actually one of the more inviting-looking burger joints I’ve visited for this blog.

Unlike a lot of burger places in the city, it’s a sit-down restaurant. The service was fine; another non-food-related plus in this restaurant’s favour.

They have about a dozen burger choices on the menu. I went with The Classic, which comes topped with “Angus beef, cheddar, caramelized onions, pickles, arugula, tomato, Toma secret sauce.”

They don’t specify how big the patty is, but I’d guess it’s about six ounces. It’s not very good. Though it’s not particularly dry (which is nice), the texture is off. It’s ever-so-slightly mushy, and kind of sausagey.

There’s definitely some kind of seasoning mixed into the beef, which doesn’t help. I also think it’s ground a little bit too finely. It’s off. It’s weird.

The patty has a muddled flavour that, just like the texture, is a little bit off. It’s nothing that’ll make you pound your fist onto the table and decry the state of humanity; it’s perfectly edible, it just doesn’t taste right. There’s no real beefy flavour. There’s no flavour of anything, in particular. It’s muddled. I don’t know. It was weird. It was off-putting in a way that I can’t exactly put my finger on.

The bun, on the other hand, was clearly disastrous. It was quite possibly the worst bun I’ve ever had on a hamburger. As soon as I saw it, I knew I was probably in trouble. It looks dense and impenetrable. Cutting into it confirmed my suspicions; it was thick and unyielding and surprisingly difficult to saw in half.

Impossibly dense and sugary sweet, it was completely overwhelming and should not be allowed within fifty feet of a hamburger patty. Of all the things that are confoundingly bad about this burger, the bun is clearly the most baffling. I honestly cannot think of a worse bun for a burger. It’s just so chewy and doughy and intensely flavoured. It’s actually kind of insane how terrible it is. It’s like someone took a pretzel bun, soaked it in sugar water and then left it out in the sun until they were satisfied that it had reached a properly brick-like consistency.

The condiments don’t fare much better. The mushy, colourless caramelized onions look and taste as though they’ve been boiled. Granted, I’m not a professional chef, but I’m fairly certain that caramelized onions are supposed to be caramelized.

The Toma sauce was mostly just sweet and uninspired. It’s only been a few hours since I ate this burger, and I already forget what it tasted like. If only I could forget the rest of the burger quite so easily, but I fear it will be haunting my nightmares for weeks to come.

As for the fries, they were actually really good. Thinly cut and perfectly cooked, they would have easily been the bright spot of the meal — but not only were they not served hot, they weren’t served warm. They were room temperature. Because why ruin the perfect storm of mediocrity, right?

The P&L Burger

Published on January 12, 2014January 12, 2014 by Michael Nusair1 Comment

Location: 507 Queen Street West, Toronto
Website: https://twitter.com/thepnlburger

P&L Burger has pretty big shoes to fill. It’s sitting in the same location as the tragically short-lived White Squirrel Snack Shop, which served a downright amazing hamburger that immediately became one of my favourites in the city. Farewell, White Squirrel… you were too beautiful for this world.

This new place actually stems from Parts & Labour, whose burger was popular enough to win a reality show competition, and to justify a whole new spin-off restaurant. Armed with that knowledge, and knowing that any burger served in this location was going to have to be compared to my poor departed White Squirrel, it was obvious that P&L Burger had a pretty steep mountain to climb.

They have a handful of burgers on the menu, but I went with the signature P&L: “cheddar, bacon-onion jam, iceberg, dill pickle mayo.”

P&L’s griddled, seven ounce patty is made out of brisket, a fattier cut of beef that is much more appropriate for hamburger cookery than the lean beef that so many misguided burger joints in Toronto curse their burgers with. What’s this? An actual juicy burger that doesn’t completely dry out my mouth? What is this wizardry? Living in Toronto, it’s easy enough to forget that such a thing can even exist.

The patty also has an amazingly pronounced crust that might just dethrone Toronto’s previous champion of the ever-desirable Maillard reaction, Burger’s Priest. With the coarsely ground, loosely packed beef cooked to a perfectly juicy medium rare, and with that delightfully crispy crust, it’s pretty much textural perfection.

But of course, there is the inevitable White Squirrel comparison, and the P&L burger does fall a bit short. It’s a very good burger, but it lacks that magnificently beefy flavour that made the White Squirrel’s hamburger so amazingly memorable.

It’s also a little bit over-condimented. Between the cheese (which was nice and melty, I should point out), the tangy dill pickle mayo, and the bacon-onion jam, there’s a lot going on in this burger. It was a tasty combo, but it was a touch too assertive; it shifted the condiment-to-patty taste ratio too far into the direction of the condiments. It certainly tasted good and probably won’t be an issue for most, but if you’re like me and feel like the beef should be the star of the show, you might be a bit disappointed.

The sesame seed bun, however, was nice and fresh and complimented the burger perfectly.

As for the fries, they seemed like they should have been very good, but they were underdone and a bit chalky.

Like with my last review, I should note that there seem to be consistency issues. My burger was cooked to medium rare and was juicy and amazing; my dining companion, on the other hand, got a burger that was cooked all the way to well done and was excessively dry.

The Whippoorwill

Published on January 1, 2014 by Michael Nusair2 Comments

Location: 1285 Bloor Street West, Toronto
Website: http://www.thewhippoorwill.com/

NOW Toronto recently called the burger from the Whippoorwill the best burger for over ten dollars in the city; it wasn’t even on my radar before that proclamation, but obviously once you make a statement like that I’m pretty much obligated to check the place out.

I showed up at around noon on a Saturday and the place was packed, so they’re obviously doing pretty well.

My dining companion ordered the burger as well, because how can you not order a burger that’s been called the best in the city by a reputable source (even if it is by popular vote, which can sometimes result in questionable results)? You have to. You have no choice.

The Whippoorwill Burger, as per their menu: “ground prime beef, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, Russian dressing, on a buttered bun.”

The waitress (the spitting image of Mila Kunis, I should note) asked if medium was okay for the patty; I prefer medium rare, but if I’m reviewing a burger, I’ll take it however the restaurant wants to serve it. Anyway, medium is certainly better than the ubiquitous well done, so I’m not complaining.

The burger was quite good, that’s for sure, but best in the city? That’s questionable. For one thing, it was a bit dry. The pinker part in the middle was reasonably juicy, but closer to the gray, well done edges, it became lamentably dry. It’s a thick patty, and the edges required a bit more chewing power than I’d typically like to expend on a hamburger.

I also don’t think the quality of the beef was high enough for this to be considered as a truly top-shelf hamburger. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but it lacked that satisifyingly beefy bite that you get from really good quality meat.

It probably doesn’t help that there’s a little bit too much going on, flavour-wise. Specifically, the assertively-spiced Russian dressing is completely overpowering, and pretty much punches all of the hamburger’s other flavours in the face. It’s the star of the show when it should clearly be a supporting player. Another supporting player muscling its way to the front of the stage: the sharp cheddar cheese. Though it was perfectly melted, it’s probably not the best choice for a hamburger.

I never thought I’d say this, but the bun was too buttery. Normally I love a buttered bun on a hamburger, but this one was greasy and soaked through with the stuff. Even with all the other flavours, the butter taste was pronounced and a tad overbearing.

It was brunch, so instead of the usual fries the burger came with home fries. They were deep fried with a delightfully crispy exterior. The inside, however, was overcooked; it was crumbly and dry, and borderline inedible without the provided ketchup to lubricate things.

I should probably note that they clearly have consistency issues, so your mileage may vary. My burger came haphazardly assembled, with the components falling out and everything askew. My dining companion, on the other hand, got a picture perfect burger and was raving about how juicy and delicious it was, so who knows. Maybe I got a bad one.