Turtle Jack’s

Turtle Jack'sLocation: 108 Courtneypark Drive East, Toronto
Website: https://turtlejacks.com/


Seriously: no.  I’m so sick of the no-effort pucks of despair that they serve at basically every Canadian chain restaurant like Turtle Jack’s.

Turtle Jack's

How?  How does this happen?  How can a restaurant serve a hamburger that’s so unambiguously bad that anyone with a mouth and functional tastebuds will immediately identify it as the off-putting garbage that it is?

That’s a legitimate question and I’d like someone at Turtle Jack’s to answer it.  Also, Turtle Jack’s?  While you’re here?  Get out of here with that horrific slop.  Get all the way out and never come back.

Turtle Jack's

The burger at Turtle Jack’s is incredibly dry and dense, and it’s an absolute bummer to eat.  It made me sadder and sadder with each mouthful.  The beefy flavour was almost nonexistent, with a vaguely leftovery funk that makes me think they might be precooking the patties and reheating them to order.  It’s bad.  Bad bad bad bad bad.

I feel no need to discuss it further, because it’s a piece of garbage that’s clearly made by people with the cynical belief that they can serve whatever the hell garbage they want and people will eat it.  If you order it, you’re proving them right.  Please don’t do that.  I ate it so you don’t have to.

Turtle Jack's

The fries were slightly better (because there’s really nowhere to go but up from that burger), but they were the boringest of boring frozen fries.

1 out of 4

5 thoughts on “Turtle Jack’s

  1. Interesting – I’ve been waiting for your review of TJs since they’ve had my favourite chain burger (the Guelph location, at least) for years. They advertise fresh ground chuck and brisket vs the usual frozen fare and I’ve never had any reason to doubt it. Maybe just a location-specific quirk at the one you went to.

    1. It definitely wasn’t a frozen burger, I’ll give you that. So it’s possible that the kitchen messed up what should have been an okay burger (especially if I’m right about the precooking/reheating).

  2. Shittiest chain burger IMO is Kelseys with Milestones at second and Montana’s at third. I have never been to Turtle Jacks. Merry Christmas and may your next burger be less lousy than this one.

      1. I”m not really picky with chain burgers (they’re often the best (value) item on the menu even if they aren’t great) but agreed with Kelsey’s being the worst (I find any chain that serves a “double burger” by default is suspect). I actually like the Milestones burger vs the competition, though, and I haven’t had Montanas (all about the brisket sandwiches) or Lone Star (all about the fajitas) burgers in years.

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