Thompson Diner

22 Mar

thompson
Location
: 550 Wellington Street West, Toronto
Websitehttp://www.thompsondiner.com/

Nope.

Seriously, just: no.  I could rant and rave, but I’m not even going to waste my time writing a particularly long review of this hamburger.  The kitchen staff at the Thompson Diner clearly don’t respect their clientele enough to make a burger even remotely worth eating, so why should I respect them enough to put my time and energy into a full review?

The burger at the Thompson Diner is lousy.  Please do not order it.  I’ll quickly explain why, then seriously, I’m out.

It’s dry.  Oppressively, shockingly, inedibly dry.

Was it overcooked?  I mean, it was cooked all the way to well done, but it didn’t seem to be cooked too far past that.  To me, well done is overcooked, so it can be tough to differentiate between the two.  But I’ve certainly had well done burgers that remained juicy.

thompsonA

Was the beef too lean?  Almost certainly.

I noted in my most recent review, of the burger at b.good, that it was one of the driest burgers that I’ve ever had.  It’s as if the chef at the Thompson Diner took this as a challenge.  “You think that’s dry?  I’ll show you dry.”

Maybe my burger was an aberration.  Maybe they’re not always this bad.  I doubt it, but maybe.  But there’s no excuse for a professional kitchen to put out food this bad ever.  It’s inexcusable.

The taste of the patty wasn’t horrible – it wasn’t particularly beefy, but it tasted okay.  But who cares?  If a burger is this dry, I really don’t care what it tastes like.  It’s worthless.

The bun and toppings were also fine, but again: worthless.

The fries were bad too.  Frozen and mediocre, they’re a waste of your time, though at the very least they’re not a slap in the face like that hamburger.

.5 out of 4

Thompson Diner - the restaurant Thompson Diner - the burger Thompson Diner - the burger
(Image of the front of the restaurant in the header photo taken from Caroline’s Culinary Delights. I guess I was in such a rush to get out of there that I forgot to take the photo on my way out.)

b.good

8 Mar

bgood
Location: 100 Front Street East, Toronto
Websitehttp://www.bgood.ca/

My last review was of a burger joint with two different tongue sandwiches on the menu. Speaking of incongruous pairings, we have b.good, the latest American restaurant chain to head north.  Their theme?  Health food and hamburgers.

I’m going to let that sink in for a second: Health food.  Quinoa.  Kale.  Salads.  And hamburgers.

To me (and to any rational person) the words “health food” and “hamburgers” should never be in the same sentence, other than to say “hamburgers are not health food.”

Needless to say, I was skeptical, but still hopeful; perhaps b.good’s definition of a healthy burger was merely one without any unnecessary chemicals/additives/preservatives.  Maybe you can make a hamburger with high quality beef and call it healthy.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to suffer through a dried-out patty made under the ill-advised notion that any food can be made healthy if you wish hard enough.

Maybe I’ll win the lottery tomorrow.

No, b.good’s burger isn’t healthy in the “we used good quality ingredients” sense of the term.  It’s healthy in the “lean beef” sense of the term.  It’s healthy in the “let’s ruin something good” sense of the term.  It’s healthy in the “what the hell have you done to this hamburger” sense of the term.

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They have six pre-topped burgers on the menu; I went with the simplest choice, the Cousin Oliver.  That one comes with “lettuce, tomato, onions, Chef Tony’s homemade pickles.”  They have beef, chicken, turkey, and veggie patties, as well as white or whole wheat buns.  Do I even need to mention I picked beef with a white bun?  Because of course I picked beef with a white bun.

I’m not going to sugar-coat it: it’s dry.  Oh good heavens was it dry.  If you poke around this blog for longer than a few minutes, you’ll probably see me complaining about overly-dry hamburgers, but this one takes the cake.  I’m not a hundred percent sure if it’s the driest burger I’ve had in my life, but it’s a contender.

It’s way too tightly packed, which doesn’t help.  It also doesn’t help that it was cooked all the way to well done, but there were still vague hints of pink in there, so it wasn’t overcooked.  But it’s obvious that they started with ridiculously lean beef, because there wasn’t even a hint of juiciness.  As you chew it, the beef just sort of crumbles into sad little pellets of desiccated meat.  It sucks all the moisture out of your mouth.  It needs it.

It also tastes weird.  It tasted odd enough that I actually looked at the menu to make sure bison wasn’t an option, because it didn’t really taste like beef; it didn’t taste right.  It was gamy and funky and weird.  It was unpleasant.  It tasted like maybe they had cooked it yesterday and reheated it today (that would also account for some of  the absurd dryness), but don’t take my word for that.  That’s a serious accusation and I don’t make it lightly.  I’m just trying to figure out what could possibly make beef taste like that.

My dining companion had the same complaints vis-a-vis taste and texture, so this wasn’t just the case of one burger gone awry.  In fact, he posted a Yelp review, and if you’re noting similarities between the two reviews?  Yeah.  That’s inevitable.  The burgers here are dry, and they taste weird.  It’s hard not to take note of that.

The toppings and the bun were fine, though the bun was too big for the patty, and the burger oddly doesn’t come with any condiments like ketchup or mustard or mayo.  That didn’t help matters, but you could have dunked this patty in a bath consisting of all the condiments in the world, and it still would have been unpalatably dry.

As for the “fries,” they weren’t fries.  B.good proudly proclaims that they’re “oven finished” a.k.a. baked, a.k.a. not fried.  If you don’t fry a fry, is it still a fry?  Do I really need to answer that?  They tasted baked.  They didn’t taste anything like fries, though they basically looked the part.  They weren’t terrible (they were well cooked at least) but they weren’t fries.

1 out of 4

b.good Toronto - the restaurant b.good Toronto - the menu b.good Toronto - the restaurant b.good Toronto - the burger b.good Toronto - the burger

Chef Burger

22 Feb

chef
Location
: 8910 Yonge Street, Richmond Hill
Websitehttp://www.chefburgers.ca/

Burger?  Check.  Cheeseburger?  Check.  Fries?  Check.  Onion rings?  Check.  Tongue sandwiches?  Check.  Wait, what?

You don’t often find a burger joint with multiple tongue sandwiches on the menu (both calf and lamb), but Chef Burger’s Middle Eastern owners obviously have a bit more on their mind than just burgers and fries.

I was actually kind of tempted to get one of those tongue sandwiches, but then how would I satisfy my insatiable need to review more and more burger joints for this blog?  I ordered the namesake Chef Burger, and had it topped with their special sauce, along with pickles and tomato.

The grilled, well done burger is somewhat juicy, but it’s too finely ground, giving it a vaguely mealy texture.  I’ve certainly had worse in this regard, but I do wish that the grind was a little bit more coarse.

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It’s also a meatloaf burger — but as far as these types of burgers go, the flavouring is pretty subtle.  I definitely noticed onions in there, but it otherwise wasn’t very aggressively spiced.  You’d think this would allow the burger’s beefy flavour to shine through, but not really.  It’s surprisingly bland.  It doesn’t taste bad, but it’s very neutral-tasting beef.

Any issue with the flavour of the burger itself, however, is almost entirely moot if you get your burger topped with their special sauce — a garlicky, tzatziki-esque concoction that, while tasty, completely overwhelms any other flavour that the burger might have.  It’s good, but man, it is seriously in your face.

The other toppings are pretty good, and the bun is surprisingly good.  It looks like it should be too big, but it’s fresh, light, and fluffy, and suits the burger perfectly.  It also has a very lightly crispy exterior, which is always delightful.

The fries, however, aren’t great.  They’re not terrible; they’re just run-of-the-mill frozen fries.  They suit their purpose, but don’t do much more than that.  My dining companion got the onion rings, which are pretty much the same deal: frozen, mediocre, okay.

2.5 out of 4

Chef Burger - the outside Chef Burger - the restaurant Chef Burger - the fries and onion rings Chef Burger - the burger Chef Burger - the burger

The Burger Shack

15 Feb

shack
Location: 233 Eglinton Avenue West, Toronto
Website: None

I mentioned recently, in my review of Dangerous Dan’s, that most old-school burger joints in Toronto are kind of lousy.  They all pretty much look the same, and they all serve similarly mediocre meatloaf burgers (or even worse, a frozen burger).  They’re a nice reminder of how good we have it now, and how difficult it used to be to find a decent hamburger in this city, but that’s about it.

That’s The Burger Shack, in a nutshell.  It’s not much better or much worse than any other old-school burger joint in the GTA.  It is what it is.

Like a lot of restaurants of its ilk, it has two different burgers on the menu: a really cheap one, usually frozen, and a slightly less cheap one that they make in-house.  I went with the latter, and had it topped with tomato, pickles, and mayo.

shackA

This being an old school burger joint, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that the burgers here are grilled.  Grilling can add an appealing smokiness to a burger; it can also, if overdone, add a bitter, burnt flavour.  Sadly, that was the case here.  And though the well done patty was a little bit juicy, it was also ridiculously tightly-packed and tough.

It was also, of course, a meatloaf burger; it was seriously meatloafy, with almost zero beefy flavour and a vaguely sausage-like consistency.

The bun was fine, and the toppings were mostly fine, though like with a lot of old school burger joints, the “mayo” was actually Miracle Whip (or some cheap, Miracle-Whip-like substitute).  I don’t know why so many of these places think it’s okay to substitute Miracle Whip for mayo without telling their customers.  Sure, they look the same, but they taste completely different.

So the burger was mediocre (at best), but I’ll end this review on a positive note.  The fries, though unsalted (salt was provided on the tables), were otherwise amazing.  Like, seriously, addictively amazing.  Strong contender for the best fries I’ve ever had amazing.  AMAZING.  They had a great potatoey flavour, and were the perfect combo of crispiness and creaminess.  Seriously: I want to come back here and just eat a large order of those fries.  So good.

2 out of 4

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Burger Shack on Urbanspoon

O&B Canteen

1 Feb

canteen
Location
330 King Street West, Toronto
Websitehttp://oliverbonacini.com/Canteen.aspx

I’m at the Lightbox to watch movies semi-regularly, so I’m actually kind of surprised it took me this long to check the Canteen out.  I used to enjoy getting pastries from here when I was on my way to a movie, but a couple of TIFFs ago I got a croissant that totally put me off the place.  It looked like a croissant but tasted like Wonder Bread.  It was shockingly bad.

The O&B Canteen has an all-over-the-place menu that ranges from jerk chicken and prawn curry to pulled pork and pizza.  And of course, a burger.  It’s a mish-mash of dishes that might lead you to believe that the restaurant is a Jack of all trades, master of none, and… well, you’d be correct (at least if the burger is anything to go by).

The Canteen Burger comes topped with “bacon, aged cheddar, pickled jalapeño, herb mayo, hot house tomato,” and also includes a side order of fries.

It’s fine, I guess.  The well done patty generally has a decent texture, though it’s dryer than I’d like.  The taste is a bit more questionable.  The beef is pretty tasteless, and has a vague gamy flavour that was kind of unpleasant.  However, this is less of an issue than you’d think; it’s nearly impossible to taste the beef with all the stuff they’ve got piled on top of it.

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The toppings are pretty tasty, at least, which is good because that’s where about 95 percent of this burger’s flavour comes from.  Though the cheddar was almost completely unmelted, it tasted good. The sharp cheese and creamy mayo contrasted nicely with the vinegary bite of the abundant pickled jalapeños, and though the tomatoes kind of got lost in the mix, it was overall a pretty good combo.  It doesn’t quite make you forget how mediocre the burger itself is, but it helps.

The bun was amazing.  Super fresh, with a very delicately crackly exterior and a fluffy interior that still had enough substance to hold up to the many toppings, it was pretty close to bun perfection (I guess I should give their pastries another chance).

The fries were also above average, and came with a delicious curry-tinged ketchup for dipping.  So basically, everything was actually pretty good — except for the burger patty itself.  Which is kind of an important element in a hamburger.  You know, just a little bit.

Since I mentioned prices in my last review, it’s only fair for me to point out that for 17 bucks for the burger and fries, it’s a bit expensive.  This wouldn’t be a problem if the burger was great.  The burger was not great.

2.5 out of 4

O&B Canteen - the restaurant O&B Canteen - the restaurant O&B Canteen - the burger and fries O&B Canteen - the burger

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